12 thoughts on “Four partners, one love: It’s polyamory

  1. Alan M.

    If Dr. Helen Fisher calls herself an anthropologist, she ought to get her
    head out of her theories and look at realities happening around her.
    Polyamory is contrary to the human brain? Then why do so many of us feel
    it’s the most natural way to be? Why is compersion built into human nature
    too, not just jealousy? Why does poly work for so many of us happily year
    after year, decade after decade?

    Anthropologists used to talk that way about gays too.

  2. Holly Abair

    I am happy that polyamoury is beginning to get more mainstream attention,
    but I was more than slightly annoyed with this piece. I did not like the
    obviously biased “expert”, and I think that they should have included the
    opinions of other experts as well. And as for it “not working”, I know
    plenty of people in long-term, successful polyamourous relationships.

    Do humans feel jealousy? Of course. So, you discuiss it, and figure out how
    to go about fixing the underlying issues. Being poly is all about
    communicating with your partners.

  3. Douglas Moran

    I genuinely wish they had spent some time talking to Dr. Dossie Easton, who
    backs up her theories with extensive research as well as personal
    life-experience. It’s fairly obvious from her comments that Dr. Fisher has
    an axe to grind, i.e. supporting monogamy as the normative option in
    relationships. I would love to ask Dr. Fisher just one question: If
    monogamy is so hard-wired and polyamory isn’t, why do so many partners
    either cheat, divorce, or both? What’s better in Dr. Fisher’s view:
    Cheating, or an honest open marriage?

  4. Michael Rios

    This video shows one of the great problems with major media–that they feel
    obliged to present a dissenting view even if the dissenter has no basis for
    their beliefs and no legitimacy in the field in which they are offering an
    opinion. As an anthropologist, Dr. Fisher is no more an expert on modern
    polyamorous relationships than she is on nuclear physics.

    She is certainly entitled to her non-expert opinion, but the points she was
    making weren’t even true within her own field. The vast majority of
    cultures throughout history have been non-monogamous. There is no
    biological basis for monogamy in general–there are *very* few species that
    are sexually monogamous. Even those that in the past were thought to be
    monogamous, such as swans, turn out to be *socially* monogamous, but not
    sexually exclusive. 30-40% of baby swans are *not* the genetic children of
    the mother swan’s partner, and other allegedly monogamous species are
    pretty much the same.

    And the idea that jealousy disproves polyamory is like saying the fact that
    anger exists proves that love cannot happen. Some people are jealous;
    others (including myself) don’t really experience jealousy. And even those
    who do experience jealousy often find that the communication level that is
    common to poly relationships reduces the intensity of the jealousy to the
    level of a minor annoyance, if it is there at all.

    Many polyamorous people experience “compersion”, which is a feeling of
    delight at a partner’s joy in being with another lover. Even more, the
    camaraderie I experience with my lover’s lovers is often intense and
    precious. Creating a new love relationship often just means more love and
    connection for all concerned.

    So polyamory is certainly not for everyone; but I know many dozens, perhaps
    hundreds, of poly relationships that have lasted decades, and show every
    sign of continuing.

  5. Aegys TierOne

    These are not true engineers, the real hard core engineers changing the
    world are busy working their brains out instead of chasing after some
    carnal fantasy….I know because I work with many of them.

  6. Douglas Moran

    She’s pretty brave to come out to the world like that, honestly; there are
    plenty of poly people who have been discriminated against because of being
    poly.

  7. Douglas Moran

    And BTW: Dr. Fisher should do some more studying, because we aren’t
    genetically predisposed to couple up. Further, from the standpoint of
    natural selection, the more adults helping guard the children, the better,
    nu?

    And while 5% sounds like a small number, given the population of this
    country, that means SIX million people may be polyamorous. And when you
    add to that the number that are cheating, and the number who get divorced
    for various reasons that could possibly be addressed by an open
    relationship…

  8. Mainul Hossain

    Instead of becoming gay and lesbian at the same time and trying to bend
    people’s social values and proving how cool you guys are… why don’t you
    invest your time and effort into solving global issues such as poverty,
    famine, global warming etc. What a bunch of jackasses!!

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